~🌸~ Embracing Transformation~🌸~

So as I mentioned in my last blog, I’m not a fan of failure. Decision-making is my weakest subject! This chapter of my life is called GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE! DON’T BE FEARFUL OF MAKING MISTAKES!! IT’S A PART OF GROWTH!!! Easier said than done though because I’m used to staying safe and sound in my comfy pod. My comfy pod is my imaginary “no don’t do it” place in my mind where I’m safe from the potential disappointments I could cause if I even dare try to put my toe in the water of possibilities that could maybe lead to amazing opportunities, but I’m too nervous to find out because what if it doesn’t go like I’d hope then I’d be left to drown in my shame…. YEEAAHHHHH

Never fear! I’m extremely self-aware for the most part. This is a habit I’m working on breaking because, well, I don’t like being this way. I know it’s not entirely a bad thing to be cautious, but I am overly cautious friends. The question is where do I begin? Sometimes I wish I could see the future so that I knew what to avoid and when I’m on the right track. I’m not always this complicated LOL. Or maybe I am…. anyways It’s more of a challenge when things are looking a bit rough in my life and I’m trying to think of possible ways I can help make situations better. My first thought would be to ask questions, but even with that, I feel like people will take it as me asking to be told what to do and what not to do. I would only ask that of Jesus because he knows exactly what I need to do.“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.” ‭‭James‬ 1‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭KJV‬‬

My problem is I have so much faith in the Lord, but no faith in myself. I ask myself why? I honestly couldn’t tell you, but this is why I’m practicing seeing myself through God’s eyes. I second guess myself because the Lord’s will for me is what I prefer. So some days I hate making decisions on my own because I wouldn’t if I’m making the right choices or not. I’m speaking in the sense of choosing the best option in a set of circumstances with an unknown result. The only way to find out is to go for it! I guess you can say I’m acting out of fear. I’ve been here before though; face to face with the fearful and the faithful side of me. The thing is it’s easy to panic and lose sight of who is ultimately in control of the thing beyond our control. “Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast unto the end;”‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭3‬:‭12‬-‭14‬ ‭KJV‬‬

I share my thoughts on these things due to the fact I’m desperate! Desperate for a new mindset! I fight for it every day and I put in the work required so that I can feel different. Fear is torture! I realize that I create my fears and in doing that it keeps me from serving the Lord with confidence. I have this amazing opportunity to fight alongside him, but my actions say he was wrong for choosing me. He called me to be an ambassador on his team and I’m so focused on sitting cozy in my comfy pod.“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”‭‭John‬ ‭14‬:‭27‬ ‭KJV‬‬. I know I have to fight this since just about all of what the Lord calls his soldiers to do requires us to complete missions beyond what we’re comfortable with sometimes. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1‬:‭7‬ ‭KJV‬‬… SEE YOURSELF THROUGH GOD’S EYES!!!! The thing is I know better cause Jesus will not send for someone he knows can’t fulfill the assignment. PERIOD!!

Jesus would reveal a part of me that hinders my growth. I’ll be like “Whoa, wow, omg” This explains so much right? But instead of looking at it as I have to spend time tweaking some things, I deceive myself by thinking I will be made whole in less than a week. A good friend of mine we call Sister Kim explained to me that I have to practice reinforcing new habits when I become aware of my struggles. I can’t expect these things to be changed overnight, but let the measure of time be the measure of self. I think I found the answer to my not being confident in my decision-making! Trying to control the future is inevitable. So when things don’t turn out the way I had hoped, it’s because I’m putting my two senses in what God already has under control. Thus taking it as I have failed when it wasn’t meant to work out my way, to begin with. I would think to myself like be for real; how do you prefer God’s will be done, but won’t let him do his thing? Being impatient…… “Congratulations, you played yourself” Dj Khalid voice.

So here we are! I know what I must do and that is to let growth take its course. Speeding things up is me trying to void out God’s will, which in turn is letting him know I can handle this when NO I CAN NOT!!!! Faith over fear needs to be my daily dose of coffee. I’m going to set a reminder that will say “Remember faith over fear! Jesus is in control! Pray and take action!! Leave that comfy pod!” LOL, I may have been all over the place this time around and I’m okay with that. That’s how my thoughts are in general most days and it feels good to be able to let it all out here. This is what going through changes looks like in my world. Everyone has their differences and that’s okay because what matters is how you go about adopting new values along the way. The current goal is getting out of my comfort zone, letting experiences teach me some thangs, and to trust Jesus every step of the way. Journey onward!

~Thank you for reading! 🤍